what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
