My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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