I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He passed out mid-signature
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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