I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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