Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
