i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
