i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
