New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
