Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you traded sex for a burrito?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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