My liver just broke up with me...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
