i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize