i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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