i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
