His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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