apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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