I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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