im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
