My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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