she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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