I can't watch pbs sober anymore
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Sorry about my life...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
