"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
