Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
