did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
