that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
