SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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