had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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