some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
