got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's blow job season.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
