Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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