I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
