i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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