Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize