Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
