I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
