I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
