Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
