Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
