I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
