first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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