Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
