i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
