Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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