'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i think my mom watched the whole time
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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