dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
