Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
