at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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