just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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