Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
