You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
