If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
