You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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