Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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