yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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