I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
