you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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