Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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