Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
