he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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