he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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