New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
