Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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