we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
