Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
