I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
