Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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