We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she peed on how many people?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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