we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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