I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
