LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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