can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize