Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
