She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
