arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
